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welcome
my letters, for all my beaus and belles to view
to my sweetheart of evil:
wrote to you
this letters
hoping that you'll reply
Saturday, January 08, 2011
Last post was 2008. New post 2011! That's really extremely big gap!
New yr, new things happening, new promises. Speaking of which, i shouldnt have trust him. Screw him for all i care. I'm taking initiative here and you spend most of your time sleeping/playing games n not appreciating. I'm out of your life. Sad yes, regret yes, but for now i'm kinda glad. Dont have to think bout him or reminding him stuff or think bout marriage. Enough of that for 4 yrs. I wanna take care of myself, think bout me only and just be myself, not someone that he groom me to be. He hates everything bout me! Keep on criticizing my face, my style, my body...everything! Never compliment. I need to wear thick make up and dress up whenever i meet him. While he can choose to wear or dress up whatever he like and i couldnt comment anything cos he's in control of everything. Would you like it if your fiance never compliment you and keep on asking you to change to be prettier even though i really put in effort which i personally think its good. That's how i want it to be, i want to dress up in such a way i think i'm pretty and most importantly presentable. I just dont like to be scolded or to be told by others. I'm happy the way i am. I feel really pressured around him. I always need to excel and achieve so much in life to make him proud of me. Example recently when i was jobless, i feel tremendous amount of pressure that i couldnt make him proud of me. I feel really insecure. For the past 2-3 months i've been looking forward to meet him, to make him happy, to be by his side and spent good times together. Sadly i only gain 50% of the happiness! Imagine me coming back from KL and meet him in the cab and the first thing he said to me "Go and do something to your face, its really bad, have you look yourself in the mirror??" For godsake the cab driver is hearing all this and his tone is bad and volume was pretty loud, close to shouting...he actually raised his voice when telling me that in the cab! That's embarrassing...!! But since he doesn't want to be quarrel in the public cos it would embarrass him...i just replied back with a smile and try to change topic by showing him the stuff i bought for him.
Pouring out my feelings feels good...yet it hurts to reminisce all this. But it does makes me realise and confident why i should leave him and NOT be with him. Yeah i do love him..i wanna call him now infact but i have to control myself. Maybe the reason i stick to him is because i'm scared no guy wants me...and also i don't want to embarrass the family. Really sick of all this argument, unappreciation and crying. Wanna be happy....weee....!
So for today and for few days time. I shall just ignore him totally, heck bout his birthday on Thursday. Just find a job quickly, join aware and attend the meeting on Wednesday, and maybe go library to relax my mind. I'm one heck of a bookworm.
No birthday celebration = no need to squeeze by brain juice just to think what kinda surprise to give him+no need to look up for recipes+no need to spend money on preparation+no need to source out for baking products. It will just be another plain old Thursday/Wednesday/Friday.
I just need someone who loves me for who i am and appreciate me for the effort i put in this relationship. Not someone for loves to criticize me and frequently ask me to change myself. =((
yours truly,me
8:32 PM
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Erks! why so many pple passed away this yr!! Mostly from my bf's side though. Goodness..its only the month of March. The last time we heard 3 of our relatives die..2 of them my bf's grandaunt and err..forgot who's the other one. Then today, his uncle died..i've yet to know if its from mother/father side and the cause of the death. Not being super kaypoh though,just curious. Heh.
The other time we're on our bike to city hall, throughout the journey we keep on seeing 3 numbers of the same kind several times!! At first we thought its fun and interesting. Then the next thing we know,3 of our relatives die..farking freaking scary. Really scared the shit out of me man! Hahh..
I hope my bf taking it well though..hmm poor him, having to lost so many close relatives. Anyways we're suppose to eat at Arnold tomorrow evening for dinner. Not sure if he's in the mood for that ay..*Big Sigh!* Everytime we planned out something good, it never turns out right..the event was either postponed or totally canceled or we quarreled or my bf has got his 1001 reasons/excuses. I've never learned my lesson ay not to keep hopes too high, cos i always..always...falls hard on the ground and get myself disappointed only. Bluergghhh...! hate life!
Gonna keep my face smiling, fingers crossed and hopes high..i want tomorrow to be a perfect day! But...wouldn't that mean im being too selfish and totally not understanding?? I mean his uncle just passed away today.........Hmm....
yours truly,me
11:48 PM
My dark,hansem,buncit bum bum..hahah. Love him all my life..
Shaky relationship..ambiguous future, sacrifice too much but i've yet to see something exciting or certain in this relationship. We planned so much bout our future..just hope our dreams will finally come true. Maybe this yr is just another bad year for both of us. Like the words of my honey.."Endure,patience with me k syg..". And so i will. I just love him too much..crazy over this relationship. Putting 101% of everything just to make it perfect.
Somewhere deep, we both know we gonna live together, forever..despite all the shit we gone through. Not a smooth sailing one..but im definitely looking forward to the future. Definitely more luck in the future.. *finger crossed+daily prayers*
yours truly,me
3:26 AM
Sunday, June 04, 2006
4th June night details:
Ok..expect the unexpected..i kinda blif in all this prayers n stuff..so for my bdae I din miss any prayer and in each prayer I ask god for compromisation that if I din miss any prayer for today, farhan will msg me in return..silly rite? But it came true! Oh gosh..i was lyk thanking god profusely man! N den again, I really am happy – farhan msg me ~ duh!
Yeah so sweet of him.. den pris wish me! How sweet of her! Thz gerl!!! N yeah..dats it man..tink I wanna be serious ah for dis guy, tu pun if he agree to it lah..hehehe..btw seriously his English is super good, rich in vocab..gonna buck up man!
btw..no more wireless at my house..*sob sob*
yours truly,me
10:35 PM
4th June details:
Yeah! My birthday..happy birthday to me...! 20 year old young lady! Lol! To all those who wish me…till my hp jam! Thz eh…super thankz ya!..unexpectedly…hez the first to wish me man! Asal tak fana sey! Hahahaha..well yeah hez the first..gosh! cant blif it…so sweet..but too bad lah cant reply to him n the rest of the peepz! Hmmm..well, really make my day man..how sweet…dis yr bdae I wont go out anywhere..i wanna stay at home n slp! But I could not slp lah..wake up real early..even before my parents were awake man..pray..n den smile2 all the way lyk a mad gerl..guess wat..my mum lyk super kapo..ask bout my date..n ask if hez tall..well yeah! Duh..n smart too..wif good English..love guys who speaks good English..hahaha..rite now watching dvd Fanaa..(hmm..should recommend to farhana ah) lol! Ciaoz!
yours truly,me
10:35 PM
3rd June details:
Me as usual..excited lyk hell one..hahaha..keep on praying that hez gd looking and nice..n the whole thing wont be so bored..lol! I noe! den the next morning..wake up at 5.30…crazy rite..excited mah…the previous nite slept at 1am ah..so not enuff slp but still doesn’t feel sleepy at all…crazy in love lol! Went to bank..got a bank draft for my Monash..super expensive.so instead of taking 3 subjects, I took 2 only. Don really mind bout it cos im sure that this 2 subjects I will need to excel in it…so reach grandma house..try out clothings again..still cant decide wat to wear lah..i wanna wear something simple but nice…my aunt bought for me loreal blusher..gave me 2 beaded necklaces which is super nice..and a pouch full of make up essentials..thz aunt! I finally decided to wear dat short skirt..sleeveless brown top and pink jacket..which goes with one of the necklace that my aunt gave..perfect..grandma recommendation one ok! Lol…so went to salon..straighten hair..as usual…definitely cant make it on time..so hafta msg him to meet later..agreed..den rush out to meet him..my whole body smelled of perfume! Lotsa dem! Lol! When I reach dere..erm..hez not dat cute as before..maybe the hair and image is diff..but hell yeah! If u really look at him, hez cute..hahah..serious! tall..n super nice..lyk I dunno…hahah..soft spoken..i actually tell him to speak louder cos the plc is really crowded n he spoke so softly dat I could not hear him at all. Lol! I told him to lead the way cos I dun really noe marina well..hez seems to be street smart..know the plc well..den the queue for tix! My god..long man..n our show is selling fast..got the first row seat..but hey its not dat bad lah..really enjoy it..he paid for the movie and I tot of paying for popcorns n stuff but den he say he don eat during movies..drink? nope.hmm…weird…talk during movies? Nope..but we do talk before the movie..laugh at the commercials..hahahah..n goodness me the plc is super cold..my feet were numb..n he actually took out his jacket man..hez having flu actually..poor guy..but he looks good man in jacket...den we went to eat dinner..tough time deciding..im serious bout it..we were lyk and tinking for 5 mins before deciding to eat at Cavana..met his frenz..n I met mine too..hahaha…den we walk2 at esplanade..din noe got some sort of event..suddenly anabelle francis approach us and ask to join some sort of stuff..she actually ask farhan to join dj competition cos he looks lyk one..me n him were lyk laughing lyk mad..hahahah..goodness..pls lah..were listen to hard rock k! ahahah…we actually talk more at esplanade..lyk talk bout his frenz n his life..n I tell him where I lyk to hang out n stuff..he informed me he don club n smoke..n the latest he went home is arnd 1 or 2 am…hez a very pampered guy in his family…last child..fail his first TP ..so can conclude..he will drive one day! Hehe..talk bout our future, wat courses we’re pursuing..he told me he opt for ite cos poly gave him lousy courses..no wonder his English is super good! I noe hez not meant for ite! Heehhe…he wanna become an interior designer in future..n hez pursuing dat course in SP…talk bout his NS..and along the way from esplanade to raffles plc..he show me some spots that his band perform and got interviewed by Dennis Keller and was out on Discovery Channel and Travelling! God! Talk to me bout his band members…talk bout our families..we got lotsa tings in common..i find him special guy...n hez interested in photography! Heez..he actually did not wanna leave early..but his mom was lyk bising2 cos he need to attend wedding..hmm..n yeah.. he sent me off to mrt..wait for my train to come..and watch my train leave den only he went off...n I actually told him dat tml is my birthday before we left..n he was lyk oh my god! N u din tell me bout it. Should have ask u man! Hahahahaha..i respond dat how could I jolly well told him its my bdae..im not expecting anything..! dats it dats the end of my very first date! More to come I hope…lol!
yours truly,me
10:34 PM
Thursday, June 01, 2006
erm..date dis sat..hmm..not sure if im going..cos..erm..dunno lah..jus drop the subject..btw jerome (my sup) granddad passed away..kinda expected, been sick for quite a few days ya..hmm..so sad for him..haiz..my boss gonna go dis sat..at 1pm..told him i'll be going..but i still not sure..hmm...
niwae, good news for me..bad news first..been a bad day at work..feeling down all the way..so i complain to boss crying..and he come up wif a plan to plc me in his company!! how great is dat! superb man! back in NCS..hahahah..hmm..but the sure will be demoted..helpdesk team lead at IBM, but for NCS, got lotsa experience pple..dats y!
wateva it is..im gonna msg dat guy first..ask him if its confirm anot..hmm...hope it turns out great..cos yest n for lyk the past 3 days, i have been doing shopping non stop after work...last shopping is great..got myself a pair of earrings which i really love..for 2 bucks! a brown jacket wif lace..which i plan to wear dis sat or even for grad day and also dis cute short skirt, faded jeans colour..for 23 bucks..hmm..all set for sat..hope dat its on..else...
to my dear gerlfrenz Jean n Hui Min..love the present man! Matching white beaded necklace and bracelet..love it! Hui Min..not sure wat i should get for u gerl..heez..let jean do the shopping aite! cheerz!
yours truly,me
2:55 AM
Sunday, May 28, 2006
1st date..cant make it...need to work..stupid! its ok...plan for 2nd date...exchg number..woohoo! progressive...this sat...2 plans..wif girlfrenz..or dating..hafta decide..tsk tsk tsk..den sun..big occasion..hopefully he rmbr it..i never miss wishing him on his bdae..n i hope it turns out to be the same for him...den no more him..
a new him comes into the picture..my frenz r excited bout the new him...n for the ustaz n the "darling"..totally blessed to have both of u...i noe u guys want me to find the rite guy who really look aft me n care for me..thz eh..appreciate it so much..pray for me dat dis works! =P
but miss all the times with him...we live super near to each other..my mum trust him n i can go home anytime..he drives u c..so transportation is really easy for me..it will be different if i were to go out wif another guy...den need to take public transport when go home late..no motor pls! im not being materialistic..but its been part of me..so, its hard to let go..wateva lah...u appreciate me..u come n look for me..if not..i already found a replacement..so goodbye to u!
for shidah n the rest..thz for the plentifull advice..hope it helps...=)
yours truly,me
5:13 PM
the writer
Amel..
21 yrs old
Extrovert. Really sociable. Shy at times. Knows her limit.
A Malay, but not a Malay.
Full of surprises. Unpredictable at times. Fickle-minded, definitely.
Rock, Indie, Shoegazer, Experimental Music
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